The Continuing adventures of Yosele

Sea Otters Holding Hands

2009-12-21T04:18:00.001-08:00

I have noticed a dearth of websites entitled 'Sea Otters Holding Hands' and have decided to create one.
I feel that it could teach mankind as a whole a lot about cooperation and love and the Jewish community a lot about positive relationships and Shidduchim.
Not that I am anti negiah.
These are male Otters.

What do you mean, 'thats just weird' ?

Otters live in single gender communities (rather like Yeshivot or seminaries on the High Seas). They practice polygamy just like our forefathers.
Do n't knock Sea Otters, alright!

What I did on My Holidays

2009-10-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Ok... Time for more tripe (See my comments on Frum and Flipping ... never mind my comments just read "Frum and Flipping" its a very well written blog).

I had the best Hol HaMoed ever. This is a series of semi holy days in between Succot and Shmini Atzeret that last 7 days. They pretty much rocked this year.

I was left with a bit of a problem though:

What does a 29 year old guy do in Jerusalem on Hol HaMoed?

Normally this is a fairly easy question because it becomes, what does a 29 year old father do with the kids on Hol HaMoed (slowly slowly all my friends are getting married leaving me behind, whimper whimper). There are many answers to this question. I would need to have some kids first to answer this one.

Or where does a 29 year old take his wife or significant other? Again I have neither of these 2 relationships.

Or possibly where do I date ?

Well done shadchanim. Aparently there's a crisis and there are more girls than guys, I should be ... er rolling (I need a better word) in Shidduch dates. Not with this nice frum fella!
There's more excitement in the abandoned monastery next to where I live.

I did all the usual frummy things, Simchat Beis Hashoeva, Visit Rabbis, learn Torah.

But what to make it special?

I know....

Beit Shemesh Fest!!

What could be better than a night of rocking out to some of the best Jewish rock acts and all for free ?

Ok, so it was filled with 18 year old yeshiva bochers and sem girls and I kept thinking.

Is this what a 29 year old guy does? Behave like I'm 18 again and bounce around in a Mosh pit slam dancing with guys twice as big as me and singing at the top of my voice.

Too right I do. Thats part of the problem with this whole waiting for a date business, you get all sullen and boring and when you finally get a date your probably no fun to be around anyway. I needed to let my hair (or the hair that is n't slowly disappearing) down and have some good kosher fun.

The rest of the week was great too, I saw my rabbis and reflected a lot on the way my life is going, and I generally feel rather happy.

A guten winter enjoy this video, it was great live.

Isru Chag Insomnia aaargh !

2009-10-11T18:19:00.001-07:00

Why is it after getting to the end of a bout of isru Chag Insomnia I start noticing wierd errors in the formatting of the blog that I have no idea how to fix.

I hope that my nice entry on Yom Kippur has n't been completely ruined.

How in the name of murgetroid did that happen ?

Oh @#$%^&*&^ to it I'm going to bed.

(Pause whilst Yosele east his own keyboard followed by this own shoes in anger. [or was it malnourishment?])
- I easted my keyboard, how on earth did I managed that !?!

Now I'm getting an attacked of the concentric brackets !!!! (followed by the hypens)
What do i do ?
ABANDON COMPUTER! ABANDON COMPUTER! ABANDON COMPUTER!

Tune in next time for... 'What I did on my Holidays'
Where Yosele plays with even more ridiculous colours.
(Man... I should really go to bed)

Special Succot Love Message for Gilad Shalit

2009-10-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

In a time when families and friends should be together chilling out under the covering of the Sukkah. we should remember Gilad Shalit, who has been away from his family for 3 years.

He has been denied all the usual rights of a soldier in captivity, his family did not know if is was alive or dead until Friday.
Let us hope and pray that he return home soon.
This is the video that was recieved on friday.

Succot and Love

2009-10-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

I feel like using the Intenet to spread more love.

(Is not a thing that you should freely admit as many people would tell you that the Internet is filled with plenty of love anyway, normally involving naughty things, This is where I tell you that Im a good clean living boy and this is not 'one of those sites')

Succot is all about love (Admittedly when I'm in a certain mood so is Tuesday)
We have finished with Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement) which is all about harsh Judgement, and then we are enveloped in the wings of Eternal Kindness, symbolised by the Succah. We live for 7 days shaded from the harsh sun in our rickety booths. Its like a king who had a son who had commited a crime and instead of giving him a harsh sentence, he sent the son out of the palace until the crime had been forgotten. We have left our 'palaces' ( or in my case small corner of a dorm) and now are living in exile in our Succah.

I was alarmed by various news stories about how the internet has been used for evil, false love, acts of hatred, lust and the spread of anger.
Here is a challenge for all my readers... yes all 3 of you!
I want you to send an e-mail to someone you have n't spoken to in ages and tell them that you love them.
There are many lonely people in the world who need to have kindness extended to them, lets spread that kindness.

some silly Technorati thing or other

2009-09-28T14:22:00.001-07:00

4hj657dyeg

Yom Kippur Resolutions

2009-09-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this blog in the aftermath of Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement). I spent a very meaningful day in my Yeshiva.
I have recently joined a Post High School Yeshiva (Talmudic Academy) as a Kollel member (senior scholar). The Mashgiach Ruchani (spiritual councillor) added a facet to the Yom Kippur Service that moved me greatly and I thought that I would share my experience.

The Yom Kippur Service involves an aspect of communal confession (also known as Viddui). This is where the community confesses their sins to God. This is the key part of Teshuva which is badly translated as Repentence and better translated as Return. Viddui is acceptance that one has a problem. Once that I accept that I have a problem I can go about fixing the problem. This is rather like th 12 step program that recovering alcoholics and other addicts use where the first step is to recognise that one has an addicition. This is considered to be one of the hardest parts of Teshuva.
The other difficult of this is that we say these confessions in Hebrew. Even for those who Hebrew is a first language, the words are rather archaic and for those with translations, the translations are normally rather brief and cursory translations of deep concepts. I also feel that sometimes when we are involved in Tefillah that our prayer is rather ritualistic, devoid of connection to God and devoid of genuine feeling. When I pray I sometimes feel as if I am 'praying by rote' and it is a real challenge, a very rewarding challenge, to try and connect with what I am reading and to make my prayers authentic.
To combat this culture of in authentic confessions, during each confession, the Mashgiach Ruchani read one of the confessions in English and gave us an elabourated confession in addition. The confession that moved me the most was on the phrase:

"For the sin we have commited before you for scoffing"
The commentary that the Mashgiach gave was that as humans we are given such a wonderful gift. That of speach. Instead of using it to fulfil divine will, to spread love and happiness I use it to put people down. Instead of trying to improve ourselves I make fun of other peoples' efforts. Instead of trying to be intelligent to engage in worthwhile activities I spend my time telling silly jokes and striving to be a ridiculous person. So much time is engaged in small talk and so very little in actually saying something of worth. His intention was that this year we behave in a more genuine manner. Dare I say it: to think before we speak.
I recall Jonathan Swifts story in Gulliver's travels He encounters a group of perfect creatures called the Houyhnhnms, one of the special things about these creatures is that before they would say anything they would pause first and decide if it was worthwhile saying anything. Of course we should n't be serious miserable beings who only speak of lofty spiritual things and never actually have any fun. Yet there should be a balance, we were given a wonderful gift and time is finite in our all too short lives which we should fill with opportunities to spread love and happiness.

Shana Tova!

A New Year filled with Peace, Happiness and Love

2009-09-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have just had two days filled with prayer and introspection and have come to the conclusion that there is not enough love in the world.
I must help fill the world with love.
(Yes, its happened I've reverted to my old ways and have become a hippy again, gone are the days of angry Litvishness)
I shall (with the help of the Eternal One and without making a neder; a binding oath which I would have to bring a large expensive sacrifice in a temple that does n't exist anymore) produce more blogs; new blogs, blogs of love and pink fuzzy squishyness ( pause for you to take out your sick bag ), blogs with pictures of cute little kittens and sewing patterns, and happy stories about people being nice to those beggar mice (you know, the ones with the stick and the bundle, the one that looks like this:)

blogs that spread happiness and Torah and light yadayadayada....

A Shana Tova (Good year, not the tyres) to you all!

REBELLION!!!

2009-05-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

I was told that a sign that you're settled as an Oleh is that you stop writing a blog....

BAH!

I shall continue my blog, just to show how unsettled I am.

In fact, here is a picture of a weasel, just to show you how unsettled I am, this weasel is an accurate portrayal of my state of mind. It looks about 29, its just had its birthday, its on a tour guiding course, it lives in a pile of its own clothes, it eats lentils, its sniffing for frum girly weasels....

OK so maybe the blog was n't such a great idea in terms of selling the Yosele image. (When did that ever stop me?)

Furry Happy Monsters

2008-08-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

I find this appropriate to my current mood:

2008-06-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

Parshat B’Ha’alotcha –פרשת בהעלותך

The subject of this weeks Parsha in the first part of the parsha is a continuation of a description of the holy services and the orders of transporting the different holy devices and ends with the leaving of חובבHovav or also known as Yitro / Jethro). There then follows a nasty turn of events that effects the rest of the‘book of במדבר (Numbers) when the Israelites complained against Moshe and Hashem for not providing them with meat for which they were punished with a bizarre plague of having too much meat and many died from some kind of meat intoxication.

The Seven Books of the Torah

There is one strange looking passage in between the subject of Hovav’s leaving and the complaint where it is written;

] לה וַיְהִי בִּנְסֹעַ הָאָרֹן וַיֹּאמֶר מֹשֶׁה קוּמָה יְהוָה וְיָפֻצוּ אֹיְבֶיךָ וְיָנֻסוּ מְשַׂנְאֶיךָ מִפָּנֶיךָ. לו וּבְנֻחֹה יֹאמַר שׁוּבָה יְהוָה רִבְבוֹת אַלְפֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל ]

(Backwards hebrew letter nun in bolder and larger font)

And it was when the Ark of the covenant would move Moses would say; “Arise Lord and disperse your enemies and they shall flee from your face”.

And at its resting he said “return hashem the thousands of Israel”.

(Backwards hebrew letter nun in bolder and larger font)

(Numbers 10: 35 – 36 במדבר י:לה – לו)

There are a number of

bizarre things about

these verses;

Firstly why the big letter nun in the front and back of the quote?

Secondly why say this at all it does relate to anything that happened before or afterwards.

Thirdly according to my Rosh Yeshiva Rav Pesach Wolicki this never actually happened, the ark was only carried in to battle under the leadership of Yehoshua. It refers to a state that was meant to be and shall be in the Messianic Time to come, so why mention it now?

The Separation from Dangers:

The famous commentator on Torah Rabbi Shlomo Yitzhaqi, (1040 - 1105 רבי שלמה יצחקי) Wrote that the two nuns are present to show us that this posuk is not in its correct place and has been placed here as “a separation between one danger and another” (כדי להפסיק בין פורענות לפורענות); the first danger being the sin of the golden calf and the second being the complaint about meat and other misdemeanours such as the slander of the 10 spies. Rabbi Wolicki expounded on this by saying this is what would have happened if these sins had not happened. Israel would have marched straight into the land of Israel with the ark at its head and destroyed all of its enemies.

The Fifth book of Moses

Rabbi Yitzhaqi was using a section of the Babylonian Talmud Tractate Shabbat (Page 115b) here where it discusses the rules to do with a fire on Shabbat and saving a scroll of Torah from being burnt. It discusses or verses and describes them as being a book of the Torah in its own right.

The Maharsha (Samuel Eidels 1555–1631 ר' שמואל אליעזר הלוי איידלס) explained that from the beginning of creation G-d had planned out the Torah and had planned it out so that it would parallel creation in having 7 parts. This insertion is not really an insertion but was planned from the beginning.

A belief in an omnipotent (all powerful) being would necessarily imply previous knowledge and control of all future events. This is straightforward, however what is astounding is that these events are in some way made important or holy by the fact that without them the Torah would be missing two books and according to the Maharsha this is significant.

The Divine Plan

A whole generation died in the desert as a punishment for the sin of the spies and before that thousands died because of the sin of the golden calf and the complaints about meat. This people were not appropriate to enter the land of Israel. It is a point that is difficult for us to accept as people who love our fellow Jews, but all these sufferings were completely necessary. As we have read from the Maharsha they were foreseen from the time of creation. The two verses were mentioned at this point to show that what follows is the alternative method of redemption, we must remember though that the second path is also towards redemption. We can take the message to our own personal lives that when something disastrous happens to not despair because it too is part of a divine plan. The general aim is that the Messiah should return speedily in our days, that our enemies are removed and Torah (as symbolised by the Ark) once again leads the way for the Jewish people.

Shavuot, Redemption and a new beginning

2008-06-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,
I apologise that I have not written in so long, technical difficulties, computing errors and military service have prevented me from updating this journal.
I would like to start the new session of blog writing on the right foot and relate a dvar Torah that I gave last year at this time in the army.
We had my favourite kind of army event; a lesson, I discovered that if exiled from learning that my favourite kind of army exercise is a lesson. After a day of physical exercise on basic training I really enjoyed learning something new from a new person no matter whether I had heard it before or whether it was a banal lesson on some aspect of army logistics or basic field craft I derived much enjoyment from the experience of learning. On this occasion we had a special treat, that of a lesson from our רכזת ציונות (Rakezet Zionut - Zionism Coordinator) on the subject of שבועות (Shavuot - Pentecost). I very much enjoyed this lesson in which she presented a very challenging reading of the Book of Ruth in relation to the subject of conversion. At the end of the lesson she posed a very challenging open question;
"What is the relation between the Book of Ruth and שבועות?"
What follows is my answer:

Firstly we must take a holistic approach to שבועות and the rest of the Jewish calendar. I need to refer to Rabbi Moshe Ben Nachman Gerondi's (Ramban - רמבן or Nachmanides 1194 - 1270) concept:
" ימי ספירת העומר הם כמו חול המועד בין פסח לעצרת "
"The days of the counting of the omer are like a period of festivities (Chol hamoed) between Pesach and Shavuot"
The phrase חול המועד (Chol ha moed) refers to the intermediate days between the beginning and end of a festival that is evident in 2 of the 3 pilgrim festivals; Pesach and Succot (excluding Pesach). This creates an interesting question; why does Shavuot not have a חול המועד ?
The counting of the omer "ספירת העומר" counts as a חול המועד . A chol hamoed is an interesting concept, it is both part of the festival and part of an ordinary day except on a chol hamoed we abstain from certain things and bring special sacrifices(if we have a beit hamikdash or Temple. On ספירת העומר we abstain from hair cutting (like on chol hamoed) and other things and we used to bring a grain sacrifice everyday. On the חול המועד we raise the level of the mundane to the level of holiness, the same is true of the counting of the omer ”ספירת העומר " where as well as all these rituals we count down each day (49 in total) until Shavuot each day representing a different level of holiness ending in the highest level of holiness we can perceive ( מלכות the sovereignty of the all present one over all creation). We must say that counting of the omer "ספירת העומר" is also a חול המועד.
Pesach and Shavuot operate along the same continuum and share the same theme; גאולה (Geulah - Freedom). According to Sir Isaiah Berlin freedom has two facets; positive and negative freedom. Pesach's theme negative freedom; not spiritually negative but freedom from oppression. Shavuot's theme is positive freedom; the freedom to follow the commandments, we changed from being Pharaoh’s slaves to being the eternal's servants. Slaves to a finite being are truly slaves, servants of the divine are agents and partners in a higher and greater purpose. Shavuot commemorates the reception of the Torah and all the laws, our ultimate freedom.
The subject of the book of Ruth at first seems to be a charming story about a Moabite convert who sustains her Jewish mother in law through crippling poverty and wins out in the end by marrying the Bethlemite Prince; Boaz, a happy story the like that we enjoy reading to our children before bedtime. The Book of Ruth has a political / spiritual subtext where the word freedom based on the root form גאל appears in the book in many verbal forms no less than 14 times making it the most common word in the whole book. At the end of the book Ruth is described as being the grandmother of David who is typically seen as the symbol of Messiah and redemption. The redemption of Ruth and Naomi by Boaz can be seen as a metaphor for the redemption of the Jewish people as a whole.
We read the book of Ruth on Shavuot to complete this season of redemption stretching from out release fro Egypt (Pesach) to reception of the Torah (Shavuot) and look forward to our ultimate redemption when the Messiah will come (with the help of the All Mighty) and redeem the whole of Israel.

Free Yossi Silverman !

2007-11-24T11:54:00.000-08:00

This is an erratum to the erratum. A month or so ago the IDF decided to tell me that they had made a mistake and that I was serving another 6 months.
eek!
So I've placed a request to leave early, based on my last discussion with Human Resources I was supposed to have left two weeks ago. Based on that I left my apartment and planned to start in Yesodei HaTorah and a course in copy editing.
Oh dear.

I have been told that I shall be released soon, nobody is sure on a date though, I shall be waiting for a while, anyway, I'm sure all is for the good.

Erratum

2007-08-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

A favourite word of mine because it sounds like how an elderly academic would describe an unsavoury body part mentioned in an obscure greek poem.
It really is a posh way of saying 'correction'.
Due to an unfortunate clerical error (although it may be intentional as I am not doing the mashak dat course), I shall only be serving another 2 months instead of 8.

Oh what a shame.

The continuing, continuing adventures continue.

2007-07-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

After two weeks fraught with various torturous adventures, like travelling the entire length of Israel due to an Army clerical error, wnadering (far far worse than wandering, I have been wnadering, which is far more aimless and less satisfying) around beer sheva in the hot sun on Tisha b'Av and still not being given proper written orders and still haviong (haviong, I believe the capital of Kyrgistan) no date for tu b'Av (!)....
I have finally been accepted by the IDF as a Mashak dat (Non commisioned officer in charge of religion).

The down side is that I shall be de - mobbed (set free) next May instead of November.
The next post I shall try to edit in amore sensible manner, withoutmaking upnew wordsorrunnigwordstogetherinanirritatingmanner.

I'm in the army now

2007-06-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

As the image above sugests I have been drafted into the IDF and am now involved in the collected effort to protect the people of Israel.

So far I have been shouted at, scratched, bruised, bleeding, hungry, tired, happy, sad, angry, clam, davening, learning, studying.

I have fired a gun, started an international incident, cursed, blessed, screamed, cheared and sung songs.

I'm having a great time.

(please forgive me if I find it difficult to stay in touch at the moment)

2006-12-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

פרשת וישב תשס"ז Parshat Vayeshev 2006

One of the stories of this week's parsha is that of Yosef and the wife of Potiphar. Yosef is taken into captivity and sold to Potiphar, an official in the Egyptian court. Overcome by Yosef's looks, the wife of Potiphar tries to seduce Yosef and is unsuccessful. She claims Yosef attempted to sleep with her and Yosef is imprisoned.

One of my favourite Jewish studies teachers at school who's name was Mr. Michaelson, once described the trop or taaamim, which are the cantorial notes accompanying the text as a form of soundtrack to the Bible, he described it not as mere window dressing, but as an essential part of the drama bringing out of the colour of the narrative. It reminds me rather of the music in the spaghetti westerns of Sergio Leoni (l'havdil), the major part of which are the distinctive musical scores written by Ennio Moriconne, Moriconne's incidental music becomes an essential part of the narrative. One of the peculiarities of this story is the way in which Yosef refuses, above the word 'וימאן' (verse 39: 8) (he refused) is note shalshelet. It looks like this ;

The tune of this note also imitates its shape, the notes alternating between a lower and higher one with a slightly higher note at the end, at least this is how it is sung in the Germanic version. I would imagine that this is trying to create a feeling of uneasiness or tension, at least this is what I feel the intention of this taam is in this case.

The Ramban (Moshe ben Nahman Gerondi 1194 – 1274, Barcelona) wrote one this verse that Yosef refused even though she was his mistress and he was frightened of her. I would like to claim that this taam is descriptive of Yosef's fear, Yosef's tremoring voice, if one listens to the note one could imagine either an Orchestra playing wavering tension music, I imagine lots of violin bows occilating side to side as the audience stares fixated at the cinema screen. Or maybe this describes the shakiness in Yosef's own voice. The problem with this is that Yosef is a Zaddik, a righteous person and a prophet one could argue that he had no reason to fear as Hashem would protect him.

Yosef had good reason to fear because Rashi(Rabbi Salomo Yitzhaqi 1040 – 1105 France) commented on the verse before;

"ויהי יוסף יפה תואר ויפה מראה”

'Yosef was of good beautiful form and beautiful appearance”.

The issue that Rashi noticed was twofold, firstly it mentions his beauty twice and secondly that it comes directly before the verse we are concerned with. Rashi explanation is that Yosef spent a lot of time curling his hair and taking care of his appearance whilst his father mourned his death. Rashi writes

“אמר הקב"ה אביך מתאבל ואתה מסלסל בשערך אני מגרה את הדוב מיד”

"The Lord said your father is mourning and you are curling your hair, I shall release the Bear immediately”.

The 'Bear' refers to the wife of Potiphar, I have heard that this word is used to explain that she was a danger. I would like to add based on this taam that it may have been more of a tangible explanation that that. Either she was physically big or she imposed her authority in such a manner that Yosef was visibly scared. Yosef may have then realized at that moment that Hashem was not protecting him as much at that point.

The Minchat Shai (R' Shlomo Yedidiah Nortzi ?- ?) uses this verse to explain the idea that a taam can be explaining what is going on in the mind of a character, he also explains that the shalshelet is being used in this instance to explain the inner turmoil of Yosef. There is never really a reason to be afraid and to have such thoughts unless a person is not performing the will of G-d. Fear itself is problematic as it is an expression of the belief that G-d is not watching us and will not help us. Yosef is a Zaddik and as such he has much higher standards. This story tells us that we must never fear for all that is given to us by Hashem is for the best. Yosef became a lot more humble through his experience in the Egyptian Jail, through his experiences he managed to save his family from famine, as well as many Egyptians.

Dvar Torah and 'Other News' (exciting story of daring acts)

2006-12-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

The Torah bit (BS'D)

Vayetze 2006 תשס"ו

There is an argument this week about the following verse;

"ויעקוב הלך לדרכו ויפגעו בו מלאכי אלוקים”

"Yaakov went on his way and he met angels of the Eternal”(32:3)

Rashi says that these angels were the guardian angels of Eretz Yisrael, it is likely that he deduced this from the idea that the first time the same verb family that 'ויפגעו' is a part of was used in this weeks parsha it was in the phrase;

"ויפגע במקום”

"And he reached (or met) the place” (28:10).

After this Yaakov has the vision of the angels going up and down the ladder and Rashi explains that these are the angels of Eretz Yisrael leaving (as Yaakov is about to leave Israel) and the angels of outside Israel coming down. Ramban (Rabbi Moshe ben Nahman Gerondi 1194 – 1270 Barcelona) disagreed and claimed that Yaakov was nowhere near Israel, so there was no reason to have angels from Israel accompany him. The Maharal (Yehudah ben Bezalel Levi 1525 -1609 Prague) resolves this by writing that as he was on his way to Israel he merited to be accompanied by the angels from Israel, a kind of heavenly police escort as it would seem.

I would like to add (although I am not as qualified as those mentioned above to write this) that we may also derive some sort of message from the structure of this part of the Torah that may help clarify some matters. The first verse in next week's parsha is;

"וישלח יעקוב מלאכים לפניו אל עשיו אחיו”

"Yaakov sent messengers before him to Esav his brother”

The Hebrew for messengers is 'מלאכים ', also the same as the word for angels. Rashi wrote that these were real angels and not messengers. I would like to claim that these were the angels that he met in our verse. Furthermore if one looks at the events leading up to this it casts light on why the angels might have appeared. For over 20 years Yaakov reacted to Lavan; Lavan switched wives on him, Yaakov worked another 7 years in return for which he would marry his intended wife. Lavan paid him in spotted sheep and Yaakov responded by working out how to take the majority of sheep spotted. Lavan's sons noticed this behaviour so Yaakov ran away etc. Yaakov's entire history is filled with him responding to Lavan's trickery until verse 26:31 where he gets angry and finally asserts his rights and Lavan has to respond by making a covenant with him. An angel is a power of Hashem, Yaakov finally draws on this power in these psukim and he takes these powers that he has gained from his experience to use in Eretz Yisrael when dealing with his brother Esav. They become Angels of Eretz Yisrael. Yaakov would not have been able to face his brother without the power he had gained through his struggle with Lavan. So too the Jews will learn from their experience in the diaspora and use the power that we have gained to succeed in Eretz Yisrael (with the help of Hashem).

IN OTHER NEWS:

I defeated my fear of abseiling (snappling / repelling/ tying yourself to a rock and walking backwards of a verticle cliff whatever you want to call it).

About 12 years ago I went on a trip with my then youth movement RSY (Reform Synagogues Youth). We went to Wales and went abseiling. I was just over the edge when I lost my bottle and gave up never to abseil again. Or so I thought.

12 years later I am a Madrich in a yeshiva and went to a trip to Eilat, on the way we stopped off to 'Snapple', the Israeli version of abseiling. I finally did it ! I was really scared, especially the bit where you have to lower yourself backwards over the edge of a 40 foot cliff, I did n't stop being scared until I got to the bottom.

I decided that I was n't going to be dictated to by my fears. Fear is one of the favoured weapons of the Yetzer Ha Ra (the evil inclination). As well as fear the Yetzer Ha ra would like us to believe that we cannot dictate what kind of person we are. I had always believed that I was a scared person and that I would give in easily to my fears.

As I tipped myself backwards over the edge of the Ramon Crater, I decided that I was not afraid, that I would decide what to be scared of, and that I shall create what kind of person I am, not large cliffs or the Yetzer Ha Ra.

A Step Further in the 'Sandle Wearing Tofu Eating Pinko Leftist Community'

2006-10-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

I finally made a decision and became vegetarian.
I have a story to tell before I explain why.
Over 17 years ago I attended with my parents an RSGB convention (Reform Synagogues of Great Britain), this was when I was Reform (obviously).
It was the closing lunch and I ate some beautifully prepared spring chicken. After this scrumptious meal the lady sitting next to me asked me if I enjoyed my meal.
I was very impressed with this lady's politeness and attentiveness to my wellbeing and replied in the affirmative. She then said;
'I 'm sure the chicken's did n't'.
And I thought 'what a self righteous thing to say'.

Last week I became vegetarian I did it because I do n't like causing animals distress. I have double standards though, even though fish have a highly developed nervous system, the brain of a fish is a lot less developed than that of a mammal or bird. Yes, I am discriminating on the basis of intelligence, no I do n't believe that this means that I would eat people in a persistent vegetative state or the readership of the Sun newspaper(I do n't think that they'd be very appetizing). Most of this decision is based on my own feelings and my own lack of ability to separate the concept of a live animal in my mind and food. I can't eat chicken without thinking of actual chickens, it kind of 'creeps me out' to eat them.
I do n't believe that I have the moral high ground, I think that I should really start treating my own species in a better manner before I move on to working for the greater good of all animals ( not that I really know what that is, I gather from my study of Torah that it has something to do with serving the greater human goal of getting closer to Hashem).
I believe that I am doing the right thing, I do n't think that everybody should be a vegetarian. I approve of Shechita (ritual slaughter), which I witnessed two weeks ago, I think that it reduces the amount of suffering and that it is the way that Hashem commanded the Jewish people to slaughter. I can't wait until I have the problem of eating Karbonot (animal sacrifices), this will mean that the Moshiach is here, and things will be different. I have consulted my Rav about being a vegetarian, Rav Hirshfeld (my Rav), did n't seem to think it was a question of Halacha, rather a matter of personal preference. He did n't really think it was a 'question'.

There are more than two types of people, but two kinds of people are unhelpful.

Those who growl in a bestial manner 'MEAT!', and when you tell them you have become a vegetarian act as if you just suggested some kind of perverse sexual act or stealing valuables from an old lady. They will claim that there is a fourteenth article of faith; and that the Rabbinic statement 'Ein Simcha bli basar veyayin' (There is no joy without meat and wine), means that you have to force yourself to eat meat and be happy about it, even if it distresses you. Atkinson's diet was a 'godsend' to such people, it legitimised their desire to eat more red meat than anybody could digest in a lifetime.
These people are my friends, I love them very much, I wish they would keep their immovable principles on my lifestyle to themselves.

Those who have a new set of beliefs based on pure self righteousness. They wake up on their straw pallet in the morning put on their simple clothes made out of earthenware so that no plants were hurt (plants emit warning chemicals when felled, they feeeeel, they experience why kill them?) and put on their trademark martyr sandals. They save five dying Africans before breakfast and then talk in a very loud voice about those HORRIBLE PEOPLE WHO HURT OTHER BEINGS FEELINGS, LOOK AT HOW BETTER I AM.
I am nearly one of these people.

I just do n't like eating meat.

Gagging

2006-08-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

I wanted to get a guitar tab for ' Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle' I looked at my favourite tab site (OLGA.NET) and found he following announcement and links to this letter .
Basically as part of their maddening war to place a market value on everything the next target of the music and publishing industry is tabulature. Tabulature is a form of simplified notatation for instruments that is both easy to understand and readable by even a simple text file.
Typically most tabs on the internet are those re - constituted by amateur musicians to try and re-create the notes of a particular piece normally by a close listening to the piece in question. It is the MPA 's intention that this be outlawed.
According to this npr programme the organisations in questions have made various empty gestures to the effect that they are only targetting those profitting from this practice, their targets however seem to indicate that this is not the case.
Yes you can steal an idea, we call it plagiarism or counterfeiting and its absolutely immoral. Also the sale of intellectual property that is owned by one person is also completely immoral. However this is the approximation and rendering of music which much of the time is fairly innacurate. There also needs to be a clear boundary between the exact recreation of a piece of intellectual property and the use of the intellect to produce an equivalent idea and then form others. For example is it wrong for me to have worked out the notes for a particular piece let us say the notes of the piano 's part in Nick Cave's Fifteen Feet Of Pure White Snow (a piano piece that I can approximate on my guitar) and to say to tell another person or publicise this ? Passing any piece of knowledge could be morally wrong. What about writing down a poem from memory if I was to write down the correct words on the blog, would this be wrong ?
The NPR seems to quote copyright law in order to make moral arguments, this seems to be rather faulty. They claim that to abridge or adapt a song is the writers' moral right. Basically whistling is immoral, Summer Camp Cabaret's - immoral, parodies without the writer's consent - immoral (I once asked Lennie Solomon of Shlock Rock Fame if he was at all disturbed about the legal ramifications of his work, his response was that in order for a legal suit to be economically viable he would have to sell over a million copies of one parody, he said that if he could sell even a quarter of the required number it would be a victory for his brand of Jewish outreach. According to the strict reading of the MPA's statement Lenny's work is highly immoral)
Even the expression of the chords needed to play a song is to be opposed.
This is highly fatuous, maybe some arrangement can be made to protect the artists' version of a piece of work, but to prevent all unlicensed tabbing seems to be ridiculous, where is this to end ?
This is yet another example of ramapant capitalism and hyperactive lawyers, it greatly upsets me and will act as an extra impediment to amateur or apiring professional msicians trying to educate themselves. This is a challenge against the very concept of spreading ideas.
I say:
To quote Shakespeare:

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers"

(Act IV, Scene II Henry IV Part 2)
And you can 't sue me for quoting that as the Shakespeare estate has no longer any legal write on the words.

aaaargle! (a general expression of irritation)

2006-08-08T03:00:00.000-07:00

Just spent a wasted hour reading the gibberish people write about the cuurent war in Lebanon. Never under estimate the capacity for man's ability to spout rubbish on demand, apart of course from one person http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/karma_ekmekji/2006/07/post_270.html
Now here is an article that is actually engaging with real problems rather than the wealth of gibberish written by the people who comment on it following Karma's article.
Ok some of the posts following Karma's article are n't gibberish, no, they are scary antisemtic garbage.
The main comment written by Karma's worth a read, I only hope she comes round from even thinking abot supporting hizbollah.

2006-08-08T02:53:00.000-07:00

בס"ד

פרשת ואתחנן – Parshat V'Etchanan

(In memory of) לעילוי נשמת :

Mikey Levin z'l (his life was taken this week defending the Jewish People in Lebanon)

This week is a very special week for me, it s the week that I complete an entire seder (tractate of Mishnah); Seder Moed (Seasons)

I feel very drawn to writing about the first paragraph of the Shema which is first mentioned in this parsha. In particular the words;

'ושננתם לבנך' (7:6 Devarim)

V'shinantan levanecha.

This comes in the paragraph which reads; 'Here Israel the Hashem is our G-d the Hashem is one. And you shall love Hashem your G-d with all your heart and all your soul/body and all your might/wealth/being. And these words that I shall command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them to your children'. (Devarim 7: 4- 6)

I have highlighted the word teach here because it is not the conventional word for teach, I shall explain this later.

One problem is that we do n't always have children to teach this to. Rashi gives us the answer that students are also called teachers basing this on the pasuk;

'בנים אתם לה"'

Banim atem lehashem – you are all children to G-d (Devarim 12)

This creates a further problem, if we are all children to hashem, if we are all students, who is going to teach us?

We find the answer in the second word of my quote;'ושננתם' (VeShinantam). Inside this word is the word 'שן' (Shen) meaning tooth and 'שניה' meaning doubling. Rashi says that it is the language of hardening or sharpening, that we should make the language sharp in our mouths(like a tooth is sharp). How do we do this, we do this by 'doubling', by sitting in pairs or chevrutot and learning.

During my 12 months studying seder moed I have had on excellent chevruta (Russel) who has challenged me at every stage, who has made me make my explanation sharper and forced me to scrutinise my explanation of the text. This is the true Jewish manner of learning, not just by using a teacher (although that to is very important) but by the help of a friend.

Background information to the story below

2006-07-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

So I was sitting in the beit midrash, not actually doing any studying but doing what I do best; daydream.
I was remembering my little brother's book that I used to enjoy 'Politically Correct Bedtime Stories'. This was a book comprised of a number of doctored fair tales with a Politically correct message (or at least the pretense at one). This was a great read, it included stories like Cinderella (except in the conclusion Cinderella trips up before she can rich the door at the stroke of midnight changes into her peasant clothes in front of everybody there. The noble women at the ball come to the conclusion that they too are imprisoned by their bourgeois clothes clearly designed by a man. That high heels and corsets are a sign of masculine domination. They have a kinda of mediaeval equivalent of the 60s bra burning protests and er.... everybody lives happily ever after ?)

So I started composing my own Frum bedtime stories appropriate for the ben Torah, with great titles such as 'Goldie Payos and the three Rebbes', 'Reuven Yehoodie' (who stole from the rich and got put in cherem), 'Red Riding Sheitl', 'Snow White and the 7 Gerer Chasidim', 'The Three Billy Goats Gruff and the Jewish Question', and the list goes on...
Tune in next time for more exciting adventures....

Goldi-Payos and the three Rebbes: Prologue

2006-07-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in the Heim, in a dark dark forest near shminsk in a small cottage there lived three Rebbes;
an (not The, but an) alter Rebbe
a (again not The, I do n't want to get beaten up by Chabad) mitler Rebbe
and the ragged Rebbe.
Even though they all had incredibly differing hashkofas, and differing positions on halacha and differing styles and habits they all existed happily side by side (except for the time the ragged Rebbe's followers took the mitler Rebbe's cheese without asking, it was all the alter rebbe could do to stop the mitler rebbe from putting the ragged rebbe in Cherem. Not that (chas v'shalom) they were pluralist, this of course is goyish and osur, they certainlydid n't agree with each other, or adopt any naughty western values, or read naughty books in Greek. But peace and pleasantness reigned over the cottage and they had shiurim and yarchei kallas and ... all that stuff.

Across the wood in a small clearing there was a tiny Shtetl, barely three houses,
in one of those dwelt Goldie - Payos, a poor impoverished yeshiva bocher who had no funding and had to clean houses on Friday for enough money to buy a little bit of food for shabbes. He was always very hungry and could n't get a shidduch because he was so poor an thin. (IN NO WAY A REFLECTION OF REALITY, I'M JUST THIN)....
To be Continued.....

Matot / Maasei

2006-07-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

בס"ד

מטות – מסעי תשס"ו

Part of this weeks parsha recounts the travels of the children of Israel through the desert and in doing so retells some of the things that happened to them on the way. One of the things it retells is the death of Aharon.

"וַיַּעַל אַהֲרֹן הַכֹּהֵן אֶל הֹר הָהָר עַל פִּי ה' וַיָּמָת שָׁם בִּשְׁנַת הָאַרְבָּעִים לְצֵאת בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם בַּחֹדֶשׁ הַחֲמִישִׁי בְּאֶחָד לַחֹדֶ"

'And Aaron the priest climbed the mountain 'by the mouth of G-d' (lit.)and died their in the fourtieth year that the children of Israel left Egypt in the fifth year on the first of the month'

(Bamidbar / Numbers Chapter 33:38)

A good question to ask on this verse would be what does 'by the mouth of G-d' mean ?

According to Rashi 'By the mouth of G-d' means that Aharon died by a kiss. This sounds wonderful and very romantic, but seems to go against a basic meaning of the verse. That Aharon went up the mountain by the command of G-d and died their. It says in Shemot (Exodus) 17 : 1;

וַיִּסְעוּ כָּל עֲדַת בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל מִמִּדְבַּר סִין לְמַסְעֵיהֶם עַל פִּי ה' וַיַּחֲנוּ בִּרְפִידִים וְאֵין מַיִם לִשְׁתֹּת

'And the congregation of Israel traveled to the wilderness of Zin for their travels by the mouth of G-d (command of G-d) and they camped in Refidim and there was no water to drink.'

In Shir HaShirim Rabbah it is explained that not only Aharon was taken away in this manner but so was Moshe and so are 'the rest of the Zadikim'. The midrash here uses a support from Shir hashirim where is says;

(Shir haShirm, Song of Songs 1:2)"יִשָּׁקֵנִי מִנְּשִׁיקוֹת פִּיהוּ כִּי טוֹבִים דֹּדֶיךָ מִיָּיִן"

'He will kiss me with the kisses of his mouth because my lover is better than wine'

Rashi on this pasuk interprets this allegorically paralleling the physical relationship between a Chatan and Kalah and Hashem and Am Yisrael, this 'kiss' is the physical manifestation of Hashem's love. This makes much sense as a true Zaddik is supposed to imitate Hashem in his middot and it would make sense that the Zaddik would leave the physical world in a manner akin to his living in it. Aaron was supposed to be a 'Rodef Shalom' a maker of peace who followed Hashem's will impecably and his whole life and even his death he made to be a manifestation of Hashem's will.

New Colour! (english spelling)

2006-07-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

Yes a new colour a re-vamped blog so you can read stuff!

This is blog is to be camoflaged so Hizbollah can't hit it.

Anyway no naughty political statements anymore from me.

no none at all.

well... not this time.

Dvar Torah : Parshat (weekly Torah Portion) Pinchas (Phineas)

2006-07-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

בס"ד

I have started to write weekly Dvar Torah's, this is resulting from advice from one of my Rabbi's who says that it might be a wise idea if I want to be a Jewish educator to build a database of Divrei Torah (words of Torah), so here it is:

(In memory of) לעילוי נשמת :

Alan Senitt z'l (his life was taken this week in Washington DC)

This week has been a very difficult one both personally and for Am Yisrael and specifically British and Israeli Jewry. It is probably no coincidence that this week is the week of the seventeenth of Tammuz an ominous day in Jewish history when (amongst other terrible things) Moshe broke the first two tablets, the first breach appeared in the walls of Jerusalem, the 'tamid' offering stopped and the Roman General Apostomus burnt Sifrei Torah(scrolls of holy text). This week the ongoing problems in Israel have spiraled out of control resulting in the further kidnapping of two more soldiers and the invasion of Lebanon. Whilst Anglo Jewry has lost one of it finest young men at the hands of a mugger in Washington DC. I have found that at such times it is wise to look in the weekly parsha for comfort.

In Chapter 29 of Bamidbar the nation of Israel is commanded to celebrate the festival of Succot. The festival is to last seven days plus a final day of feasting and each day the Jews are commanded to bring a number of bullocks, beginning on the first day with thirteen, subtracting one each day and finishing on the seventh with seven. An obvious question to ask would be why this number of animals and why is it to slowly decrease by one every day ? Rashi(Rav Shlomo Yitzchaki a 12 th century Torah commentator) explains that these seventy bullocks are equivalent to the seventy nations just as the number of bullocks will decrease so too will the strength of the nations. He also mentions that in the times of the beit ha mikdash this was a "מגנין", (magnin) a protection against "יסורים" , yesorimm) suffering. On the eighth day a single bullock and a single ram is to be sacrificed as a symbol of love between Hashem and the Jewish people, earlier on in the sedrah it explains that rams are sacrificed as a remembrance for Yitschak (Isaac, See Rashi on Bamidbar 28:19), Yitschak is a symbol of sacrifice as he was to be sacrificed by Avraham but a ram was sacrificed in his stead. The whole process can be seen as a way of cementing the relationship between Hashem and Am Yisrael and a symbol of the protection that Hashem will provide.

No matter our difficulties the negative power of the nations oppressing Am Yisrael one by one they shall all be destroyed. This is proven through history as we see the Romans, Greeks, Tzarist Russia,German Nazis and Communist Russia (and many other nations) all oppressed the Jewish people and have become the victims of other forces and ended.

At this moment we have no temple, no place to sacrifice and cement this protection between Hashem and Am Yisrael. We do have temporary replacements instituted by the Rabbis, our own tables have taken the place of the altar, our homes have taken the place of the temple. By our carrying out the commandments as best week can by our behavior in our homes and by the meals that we eat and by studying the laws we can provide a physical expression of the concepts evident in the practices mentioned above. We can still merit Hashem's protection and bring about the coming of the messiah speedily in our days and bring an end to such sorrow.

Remembering Alan

2006-07-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

Baruch dayan Emet (Blessed be the True Judge)
This is a picture of the my holy brother Alan Senitt may the memory of this Righteous man ever be for a blessing.
I shall remember this man.
He was murdered in Washington DC. just over a day ago. He was an amazing person who I met through the Union of Jewish Students, a true rising star who cared about representing Jews and fighting intolerance.
I shall always remember him standing outside in the cold of Carmel College, just after he won the election to becoming the President of UJS for a second time, with a big smile on his face and a cigar in his hand. He truly loved working for Jews and making a difference in the world.
I am shocked by the manner in which his life was tragically ended. I pray for the aliya (the rise of his soul to be close to the presence of the eternal one blessed be) of his soul, for his parents to be comforted amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem and the speedy coming of the messiah (with the help of the holy one blessed be)

1 Year on

2006-07-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

Its about a year since I started Yeshiva here:
Things have gone really well for me I can now read a page of Talmud and what a number of clever people say about it in complicated hebrew.
I read a whole weekly reading of Pentateuch a week with the Rashi (Rav Shlomo Yitzchaki) commentary, two mishnas a day, a chapter of prophets and some Kitzur Shlchan Aruch (a legal text).....

Then I collapse and my head goes pop...
I do little else, this is n't very adventurous, I should really rename this site.
Anyway I got to the Army in may.
I do get to write a Dvar Torah (a word of Torah) every week, so I may start to include that on this site in some form.

The Omer is over

2006-06-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

The Omer is over !
Let the cheesecake flow!

26 year old Blogger

2006-05-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

'Twas My Birthday, a sober affair, ate burgers, saw friends yada yada.
Not all that exciting, here's a birthday ferret for amusement:

Started doing the shiduch dating thing, hurrah!(?)
My Rabbi says I need a plan, oh dear, well there goes my illusions of bohemian spontaneity and this 'planning' process normally means the healthy, yet painful shattering of illusions.
Other news:
I went to Alan's Foot, here is a picture of Alan's Foot and Alan's year 9 Geography teacher:
I shall be creating a regular seeing friends time to be released of the secret spy network in the next few weeks.
Next Time:
The great beer saga.

2006-04-02T11:09:00.000-07:00

Next on the list of tasks... stick a deckchair up my nose.

For more information see either or both
http://www.culttelly.co.uk/lyrics/tcs.html
or
http://www.mikefs.co.uk/chickensong.ram

LIGHT PURPLE TOUCH PAPER AND RETIRE

And what a lovley Chanukah it was too.

A Normal Purim scene in Yeshiva as bocher goes postal and chases random chasidim from his kitchen whilst being filmed by an Australian Natural History documentary film crew.

No bloggers were hurt in the filming of this Purim spiel.

That about rounds it up for my explanation of what I've been doing with a last apearance from my favourite kind of animal...

Yes, my life has not yet been blessed by the apearance of tiny weasels, for more information about this phenomenal discovery carry on reading.

I'm a bad blogger and will try to do better (I have been hiding in a cave)

2006-04-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

(this is my profile picture, is it n't it truly amazing, I am the guy in the counterfeit turban, my friend is none other than Hollywood's Liza Minelli.
(no I am not Sephardi)

In order to make up for lost time (yes naughty me, mea maxima culpa)
I shall create a pictorial journey through the last 3 aeons that I have been absent.

I have been hiding in a cave

For more of this Yosele based adventure click on this site in the next few days, minutes or hours, To be continued...

Festive Experiences

2005-10-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

So I went to a Mikva!! (ritual bath)
I went before Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Its this little building hidden away in a sandy suburban back street. I paid 10 shekels and had a shower and a hot and cold mikvah. I and boy am I glad the good Lord blessed me with short sightedness, a scrum of naked hasidim, datyim and yeshiva bochers, yerk...
It goes to show what ever beliefs you have were all the same when we're standing shivering in the all together waiting for some aged Rabbi to get to his 86th dunk in the warm mikvah (assuming he's got some wierd number of dunks in mind and needs to take up all the room).

Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashannah were spiritual extravaganzas, the cantor was perfect and it was amazing to be praying with a group of people so amazingly focused and full of spirit.
Highlights:
Trapping my finger in the Aron (place where we keep the Torah scrolls) whilst doing Peticha (an honour where you get to open said cupboard in a ceremonial manner). People may have thought that the look of inner pain was symptomatic of an inner desire to cling to the Lord and repent my evil ways, instead I was fighting the desire to yelp is pain and hug the nearest person for comfort (which would have been the Rosh [head] of the Yeshivah, this would have been a magnificently bad idea, if anything I would have probably tripped on his Tallis [prayer shawl] and made even more of a twonk out of myself)
Eating Quince - part of a custom of eating a fruit that you have n't eaen in a year so you can say the blessing over new fruit.
Eating a bit of fish head - part of a tradition of hinting at things you want for the new year by eating a symbolic thing (head of fish: that you should be the 'head and not the tail', pomegranates 'so that your good deeds are as numerous as the seeds' etc...)
My Rosh Hashannah Guinness (I wish you all a stout new year)

SHANA TOVAAAA!

2005-10-02T13:16:00.000-07:00

Dear All I wish you all a merry New year and a happy Yom Kippur*
I have had a thoroughly wonderful year where I
Produced a CD,
Made Aliya,
Improved my Hebrew,
Made many wonderful friends,
met many amazing people,
studied lots of Torah,
met a wonderful girl who I dated,
broke up amicably with a wonderful girl who is now a good friend of mine,
heated many meals to the best of my ability#

Rock on! (in a Jewishy respectful manner befitting to a ben Torah, i.e one who learns Torah in a manner appropriate to a true G-d fearing Jew or so I'm told)

(*one is supposed to have a happy Yom Kippur as one is being forgiven on that day)
(#I have become the Yeshivah dinner 'chef', I heat up food to a nasty burning temperature, of course theres no need as I'm told bacteria here die because of the holiness of the land of Israel, of course. The other students have given me a war cry of 'Scolding hot death!' as I present them with their piping delicacies )

2005-09-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

Begin Rant:
I went to the Jerusalem beer festival. AND DRANK NO BEER!!!
The Jerusalem Post's entertainment guide and the big 10 foot poster said it finnished at 12pm, we at there at 10:30 and they CLOSED THE GATES. FASCISTS!
They took my chance to drink good beer, we only drank one beer, yes thats right, the worst beer in the world, the beer of rejection. The foolish security guards left us stading next to the barrier for a few aeons without even telling us that THEY WERE LETTING NO ONE IN. I could have had many poor expensive beers in the time it took for my girlfriend and I to squeeze the information out of some spotty youth of a doorman that the only beer we would drink there was thatwhich we brewed from our own bile.
baaah! curses!

On the good side of things I had quite a reasonable pint of Murphys before closing time at Joy on Emek Refaim.

Things are going well I've moved up another class at Yeshivah, things are n't so bad.

For example, I ate many radishes a few nights ago, that was quite pleasureable.

But I'M STILL BITTER, burn down the damn beer festival and have done with it I say, the problem in this country is n't really political and religious differences we could really sort that out over a pint of beer, if we had any, and when we do have any do the bullet headed thugs of the totalitarian arm of the Jerusalem coprorate events managing world let us drink it, No!...
Thats it I'm off for a beer.

I AM A TWONK

2005-08-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

I wish to apologise to my girlfriend. There is n't really any good excuses.
I AM A TWONK
please forgive me.

Can't get a hang of this regualr blogging business

2005-08-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yet again I've been off-blog for too long, anyway the story so far...
After landing in Yeshiva and discovering what to do with lost fish, I then rose a level in learning and discovered what a lost skirt, donkey and a lost sheep have in common. (apart from all being lost).
I now have a girlfriend hurrah!
I have also discovered an intense dislike of quiche in my capacity as Evening Kitchen detail.
Unfortunately due to unknown circumstances the towel has not become the emblem of Protest against an uncarng world, Too many people are wearing either silly blue wristbands or silly orange ones, CARRY YOUR TOWEL AT ALL TIMES.
This is my advice
The towel is the symbol of non - permanence either at the hand of the right wing nasty arab hating, pinko hating types or the insane left who want to retaliate by knocking down any body they do n't like's houses (or the third group called Ariel Sharon, he'll knock down anybody's house Jew or Arab, he's not that particular).
THIS BLOG SUPPORTS CARRYING YOUR TOWEL AT ALL TIMES -
you never know when you might be without life essentials which a towel can so easily replace.

Sorry I've been away

2005-06-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,
I'm so sorry that I've been offline for so long,slach li, mea maxima culpa, woops etc
What have I been doing ?
I finished Ulpan, I went to yeshivah and now I'm blogging from my toilet, the only place in my room that the wireless works.
Hows Yeshivah ?
Great, I study from 9 in the morning until 10 at night with breaks for meals and stuff (Shacharit, morning prayers are at 7)
Oh and I started dating.
Politics... bah! humbug!
Seems as if the disengagement rolls on as ever. Standing on one leg my opposition to it lies not on national or religious grounds but on a liberal influenced belief in the universal right of residence that extends to any human. (Including Arabs, Bedouin and Arthur Dent)
I refuse to wear Orange in support for the Settlers as I do not support their anti-arab and
anti left winger rhetoric. Besides I do n't want to be confused with a loyalist Northern Irishman.
Anyway happy things, I have improved in Talmud and can now expound the law pertaining to finding a string of fish in the street.

My First Yom Ha-Atzmaut as a Citizen

2005-05-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

Enjoyed an amazing Yom - HaAtzmaut (Israeli Indepence day).
I gourged myself at many barbecues, removed my irriatating facial weasel (I have been abstaining from shaving as part of the Omer: Jewish thing to do with the period between Pesach and Shavuot*) and generally partied. I also danced like a looney in Kikar Safra in Jerusalem and watched West Wing in celebration of this great day.

My room mate is currently addicted to 'West Wing' which he intersperses with 'Coupling', a general feeling of living in a sexually frustrated corner of Washington fills the atmosphere of my room.

Anyway, back to Yom HaAztmaut, I realised regardless of my bizarre left wing beliefs I still apporve of the festival and acknowledge its high importance for the Jews, after a gap of 2000 years we have our own State, this is quite miraculous, regardless of the problems that have been encountered since.

Oh yes, and furthermore all attempts to get a Shiduch** have failed, apparently all the girls in the world (all 2 of them) 'can't deal with a relationship at the moment, er, sorry'. Never mind as Geoff says in 'Coupling'***: "Plenty more fish in the toilet ... of love".

*Eng: Pentecost, no idea what Pentecost means, to with having five 'costs', whatever a cost is, anyway the festival of recieving the law from the Almighty (not the band), we eat lots of dairy related produce in celebration of this.
** Go On Dates with religious Jewish girls
***www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/coupling

Its My Birthday!!

2005-05-01T05:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, 25 today, a quarter of a century of me in the world.
Not that this has changed things much, today was pretty similar to yesterday, I was up at 1 minute past twelve last night I felt no significant changes apart from a relief at being able to eat bread again after a weeks abstinence from bread (all part of Pesach or Passover as its called in English).
So, what shall I do with this new age I hear the masses clamouring to ask ?
Yes I shall buy Pizza, by Pizza and eat it, in large quantities, preferably with beer, maybe some cake for desert.
Oh yes, and get search for better feelings with in myself for my fellow Jews and humans, I read my last post and thought I was possibly a little too hard on the loonie, right wing, barmy, nutcase setler types. I should learn a bit of respect.
And then buy more Pizza.
Post Script: I have just eaten nearly half a metre of Pizza at 'Pizza Meter', I am very very full, I have a box of Pizza left for breakfast though !

My Day Out in ... Hebron

2005-04-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

What does a broke bored Oleh (immigrant) do on Pesach vacation from Ulpan?
Answer: He goes to Hebron for the day.
Under the mistaken belief that there would be a free bus I went to Hebron to see the dedication ceremony of a new block of flats there. I went out of pure curiousity and to make a 'pilgrimage' to the burial site of Abraham, Sarah, Rivkah and Isaac.

So how about a bit of background: For the past 8 years or so the Jewish Hebron community has beeen trying to build these houses in what has been disputed territory. Hebron has had a fairly heated history, being the burial cave of Abraham, Isaac, Rebecca and Sarah and a focal point for both Jewish and Muslim homage. In 1929 there was a series of large riots in Hebron where a number of Jews were killed or forced to leave. Hebron has been the focus of a large amount of both Palestinian terrorism and strong-armed IDF action. In 1994 Baruch Goldstein, an American Oleh and settler burst into the Mosque in the cave and shot many Muslim worshippers.

I entered the town in my 'not free' bus from Jerusalem; to get to the Jewish part of town, after driving through the settlement of Kiriat Arbah, one has to drive through the Arab quarter. Almost every Arab house was daubed with a Magen David (Star of David) as if they were swastikas. This angered me as I am a committed religious Jew and to see a symbol of my people being used as vehicle for hatred was disheartening to say the least. It reminded me of one of my old places of work in England where the toilets were daubed with swastikas and Nazi slogans, I am supposed to be leaving such places behind me as a part of my Aliya, my immigration to this holy land.

A carnival atmosphere filled the section of land around the Cave of the Patriarchs, bands were playing religious rock and roll music (including some very good Punk numbers), there were T-shirt stalls, music stalls and the ever present Chabad Chasidim dancing around a yellow flag. The sun was shining and everyone was in a jolly holiday spirit. We were instructed to head to a cramped lane ten minutes walk from the cave down streets of Arabic shops that had been specially closed and cleared of their owners before the ceremony. I stood for an hour in the baking sun being pushed and shoved by Jews who are supposed to epitomise religious observance whilst waiting for the ceremony to start. Now the band was good, it was a kind of religious Ska, I liked it, but that’s all I can say to the credit of this ceremony. I found Rabbi Levinger's words to be filled with hatred, to be devoid of Ahavat Yisrael (love of Israel) and to be rather surreal. While I am sure that Rabbi Levinger is a great Torah scholar, he spoke of anger against Sharon 'the Huztpan' (a bit hard to translate, to do with shame faced action), he spoke of an Israel stretching from 'the Mediterranean to the Euphrates'. Anything else he'd like to include? I recommend Hampstead, there are some really nice Cafes in Hampstead, it might not be mentioned in the Bible like the Mediterranean and Euphrates, but it would be just as unfeasible to hold it militarily and morally. My slogan is 'M'Hampstead ad Nahal Phrat'. His words about Sharon and the left wing added fuel to an anger that is growing between Jews that will tear us apart.
I left early.
After this I had a fine matzo related snack and went to the Maarat Ha Machpelah (the cave where the patriarchs are buried). This too was closed to Muslims for the day. It was a very important experience for me. I went to Abraham's grave and prayed to the Almighty that on the merit of Abraham our people, the Jewish people ceases to be ripped apart by such hatred, and that we find a more positive way to deal with our problems with Abraham's other descendents.

I do not see myself as a selfless supporter of the Palestinian cause. My own cause, the Jewish cause I see as more important, I support the rights of all except those that would use these rights to kill me, my family or my people. What I saw in Hebron I find negative for the Jewish people, it was a narrow minded attitude, one that 'they're all against us', I find such people's views to be just as damaging as those who wish to throw Jews out of their home, as the Israeli government wishes to expel some of its citizens from Gaza (an action which has been happening to Palestinians, Israeli Arabs and Bedouin for the past twenty years or more). Equally the Palestinian terror can justify defensive measures, but it cannot justify the racism that I saw daubed in blue, orange and red on the houses and shops of Hebron. See http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost/JPArticle/ShowFull&cid=1114481967210 for more details. Pictures to follow.

Yarg its my second post !!!

2005-04-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

Its my second post so I thought I'd say everything about me, my aims, what I'm doing, what I would like to be when I grow up, when will I grow up, what is the lake with the highest altitude in the world, how many students can you fit in a phone box and who killed JR ? (All in a short post)

Who am I ?
More importantly who are you and why are you so curious ?
Why do n't you stop being so lazy and read my profile.

What are my aims ?
To create world peace by using all the radioactive material from the nuclear weapons to power my amplifier. (see Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey)

What am I doing ?
I have made Aliya (emmigrated from England to Israel), I live as a bum, language student in Ulpan Etzion and am being an unsucessful sophist. I shall then study at Yeshivah (Jewish theological college)I come in peace. Take me to your leader.

When I grow UP? (If I grow up)
I would like to be a singing philsophy lecture who learns Torah, puts out fires and eats stuff.

Highest lake ?
Lake Titikaka

Why would you want to fit lots of students in a phone box? Unless due to cutbacks thats where they're taking their exams.

Who Killed JR ?
Go and fing out for yourself at http://www.ultimatedallas.com

As I have no access to anypictures of myself at the moment, here is a picture of a buzzard, I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

Darn !That did n't work, neither did posting an image of a chaffinch, any way to exciting images of buzzards visithttp://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_pages/0028-0409-0305-3652.html
For chaffinches visit http://www.chriscoates.com/Coates/freedomblog.nsf/stories/Madasachaffinch

This Is My New Blog

2005-04-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

This is My new blog, its aims to blog where no other blogs have blogged before. To search out new stuff and other fings and say stuff what is going on.
I will improve this when I have more time I have to go clean for Pesach*.

*Pesach- known in English as Passover, Jewish Festival of freedom from Egyptian slavery, go read the Bible, the end of Genisis and beginning of Exodus for more information.